How work-at-home parents can handle a clingy toddler

Nanette Shorten, child psychologist

Working from home sounds great on paper, but if you're the parent of a clingy toddler it can be extremely challenging. Though you're not leaving your home to go off to work, you're not really available to your child during office hours, either, even if your office is just 10 steps from her room. She simply doesn't understand why you won't spend time with her — and, to be fair, this is a hard concept for a toddler to grasp. Still, there are a number of things you can do to make this situation work well.

To start, create a routine for your child. Instead of working in your pajamas, for example, you may want to don "work clothes" that will help signal to your child that your workday is beginning. Your outfit certainly doesn't have to be fancy, such as a suit or a dress. A ratty sweatshirt will do as long as you make sure to wear it only when you're working so she can associate it with just that. Once you're dressed, come out and say to your child, "Mommy's going to work now. When I come out of my office at lunch, let's play a game." Then — and this is the hard part — walk into your office, close the door, and don't come out. Most likely your child will begin to cry, whine, or even bang at the door. Though you may be inclined to try soothing her with words, talking through the door will only fuel the fire. Ideally, her nanny or babysitter would, at this point, lead her gently away from the door and distract her with a funny song or an activity. The first few times you go through this transition your daughter will probably howl for quite some time, but if she learns that crying won't change the schedule, she'll soon adjust to it.

To make matters easier, try to stay organized. Gather the things you'll need in your office the night before to minimize your comings and goings. The less she runs into you, the better it'll be for her. If you can, wait until her caregiver takes her to the park or to a playdate before you leave the office to grab another cup of coffee or find that book you misplaced. Later, when she develops a better understanding of your work schedule, you'll be able to go in and out of your home office more freely.

It may also help to "practice" separation on the weekends, since she may find it easier to say goodbye when you're leaving her with your partner or a beloved family member or friend. Start with shorter stretches of time — just enough to do a couple of errands — and work your way up from there. Tell your toddler when you plan to return and then keep your word; the more securely she grasps the idea that you do, in fact, come back, the more comfortable she'll become with your absences.

How to raise a happy child (12 to 24 mo.)

Highlights

1. Learn to read the signs
2. Make room for fun
3. Help them develop their talents
4. Healthy bodies equal happy children
5. Let them struggle with problems
6. Allow them to be sad or mad
7. Be a role model
8. Teach them to do meaningful things
9. The BabyCenter Seven: Ways to turn your child's frown upside down

Like any parent who wants the best for her children, Trish Bragg has done everything she can to make sure Isabel, Charlie, and Madeline are healthy, have plenty of stimulating activities to fill their day, and are loved unconditionally. Yet, like many, she struggles with parenting's million-dollar question: Are my kids happy? "Among all my friends, that's what we want to know," Bragg says.

What makes children happy may surprise you. Child development experts who study the subject say that happiness isn't something you can give a child like a prettily wrapped present. In fact, says Edward Hallowell, psychiatrist and author of The Childhood Roots of Adult Happiness, over-indulged children — whether showered with toys or shielded from emotional discomfort — are more likely to grow into teenagers who are bored, cynical, and joyless. "The best predictors of happiness are internal, not external," says Hallowell, who stresses the importance of helping kids develop a set of inner tools they can rely on throughout life.

The good news is you don't have to be an expert in child psychology to impart the inner strength and wisdom it takes to weather life's ups and downs. With patience and flexibility, any parent can lay the groundwork for a lifetime of happiness.

Learn to read the signs

Your toddler is probably very good at showing you when something makes him happy or sad. His face lights up in a huge smile when you come home, or he sobs uncontrollably when he can't find his beloved blankie. But you may still wonder if, overall, he's content. The signs are usually obvious: A happy child smiles, plays, exhibits curiosity, shows interest in other children, and doesn't need constant stimulation. Conversely, says Hallowell, the signs of an unhappy child are clear: The child "is withdrawn, quiet, not eating very much, doesn't spontaneously get involved with other children, doesn't play, doesn't ask questions, doesn't laugh and smile, and has very spare speech."

If you have a naturally shy or introverted child who doesn't laugh or interact a lot, that doesn't mean he's unhappy. Shyness is not the same as sadness, but you'll have to work harder to read his signs. Hallowell says to be aware of any major changes in his behavior — becoming more isolated or fearful — that might suggest he's having problems you should pay attention to.

Paul C. Holinger, professor of psychiatry at Rush-Presbyterian-St. Luke's Medical Center in Chicago, has identified nine inborn "signals" that babies use to communicate their feelings. You can recognize these signals in your toddler also. Two of the signals,"interest" and "enjoyment," are positive feelings, while the negative signals, especially "distress," "anger," and "fear," add up to an unhappy child.

Most parents recognize that a fearful, easily upset child isn't a happy camper, but Holinger finds that many parents don't recognize that an angry child is usually expressing sadness. No matter the age, "anger is simply excessive distress," says Holinger. When your child hits his brother or throws his toys, it means he's distressed beyond his ability to deal with it.

Your toddler probably has his own ways of showing you when he's going through a hard time. Some kids may withdraw, some may throw tantrums, and still others may become clingy. As you get to know your own child's temperament, you'll become better at learning the signs that something's not right in his world. For more insights into your child's natural temperament, check out our article, "Are children born happy?".

Make room for fun

Although nonstop entertainment and ice cream for dinner may seem like every child's dream, what actually makes your toddler happiest is much simpler: you. And that's the first key to creating a happy child says Hallowell. "Connect with them, play with them," he advises. "If you're having fun with them, they're having fun. If you create what I call a 'connected childhood,' that is by far the best step to guarantee your child will be happy."

Play creates joy, but play is also how your child develops skills essential to future happiness. Unstructured play allows her to discover what she loves to do — build towers out of blocks, play hospital with her stuffed animals — which can point her toward a career that will seem like a lifetime of play. Play doesn't mean music classes, organized sports, and other structured, "enriching" activities. Play is when children invent, create, and daydream. Help them develop their talents

Hallowell's prescription for creating lifelong happiness includes a surprising twist: Happy people are often those who have mastered a skill. For example, when your toddler practices throwing a ball to you, he learns from his mistakes, he learns persistence and discipline, and then he experiences the joy of succeeding due to his own efforts.

He also reaps the reward of gaining recognition from others for his accomplishment. Most important, he discovers he has some control over his life: If he tries to do something, he has the satisfaction of finding that, with persistence, he can eventually do it. Research shows that this feeling of control through mastery is an important factor in determining adult happiness.

Hallowell warns that children, like adults, need to follow their own interests, or there'll be no joy in their successes. Rebecca Marks , a mother of two from Cleveland Heights, Ohio, says that her 3-year-old son Zachary's number one interest is construction. "He loves to build things and to help his dad build special projects. It makes him feel good about himself. We try to help him focus on what he has a natural talent for, where we can tell he's really having fun."

Healthy bodies equal happy children

Lots of sleep, exercise, and a healthy diet are important to everyone's well-being, especially children's. Toddlers are natural exercisers: Giving your child plenty of time to run around outside will help her with her moods. And pay attention to your child's need for structure: While some children are very easygoing, most toddlers thrive and are happier with a set schedule that lets them know what's coming.

You might also want to pay attention to any connection between your child's mood and particular foods. Some parents find that while sugar can give their child an energy boost, it can also create mood swings or aggressive behavior. Food allergies and sensitivities may also play a role in your child's behavior and mood. Let them struggle with problems

But, you say, I'm supposed to be creating a happy child! Shouldn't I swoop down and make everything better? In fact, Carrie Masia-Warner, a child psychologist and associate director of the Anxiety and Mood Disorders Institute at the New York University School of Medicine, sees this as a big mistake many loving, well-intentioned parents make.

"Parents try to make it better for their child all the time, to make them happy all the time. That's not realistic. Don't always jump in and try to fix it," advises Masia-Warner. "Children need to learn to tolerate some distress, some unhappiness. Let them struggle, figure out things on their own, because it allows them to learn how to cope."

Hallowell agrees that allowing children a range of experiences, even the difficult or frustrating ones, helps build the reservoir of inner strength that leads to happiness. Whether a child's 7 months old and trying to crawl or 7 years old and struggling with subtraction, Hallowell tells parents, he'll get better at dealing with adversity simply by grappling with it successfully again and again.

This doesn't mean children shouldn't ask for help if they need it, but your role is to help them find a solution, not provide it for them. Learning to deal with life's inevitable frustrations and setbacks is critical to your child's future happiness.

If your child develops a sense of independence and confidence, it can lead to greater self esteem and happiness. One way to help your toddler develop these qualities is to have him practice playing alone for ten to 15 minutes several times a day.

Allow them to be sad or mad

When your child pouts in a corner during a birthday party, your natural reaction may be to push her to join in the fun. But it's important to allow her to be unhappy. Hallowell is concerned that "some parents worry any time their children suffer a little rejection, they don't get invited to the birthday party, or they cry because they didn't get what they wanted."

Children need to know that it's okay to be unhappy sometimes — it's simply part of life. And if we try to squelch any unhappiness, we may be sending the message that it's wrong to feel sad. We need to let them experience their feelings, including sadness.

You can encourage your child to label her feelings and express them verbally. Even if your toddler isn't talking yet, you can show her pictures of faces and ask her which one is feeling the same way she is. Young children will pick up very quickly on "affect" words such as "happy" or "angry." When they can put words to their emotions, they gain a whole new capacity to recognize and regulate their feelings.

"It's very scary for a little kid to feel rage and not understand where it's coming from," says Rebecca Marks, mother of two from Cleveland Heights, Ohio. When 14-month-old Madeline acts out or hits, Marks says, "I tell her, 'I know you're frustrated or mad.' That way, Madeline learns to identify her feelings, to name her emotions. Then we can teach her to use her words instead of hitting."

However, Masia-Warner warns, you shouldn't overreact to your child's negative feelings. "It's normal for kids to become oversensitive or clingy or nervous at times because of something in their environment, but it's not an unhappiness." Be a role model

According to Dora Wang, assistant professor of psychiatry at the University of New Mexico School of Medicine and mother of 3-year-old Zoe, research shows that you can pass on your temperament to your children — not necessarily through your genes — but through your own behavior and childrearing style.

For better or worse, children pick up on their parents' moods. Even young babies imitate their parents' emotional style, which actually activates specific neural pathways. In other words, when you smile, your child smiles and his brain becomes "wired" for smiling. But be genuine— your child will sense if you're acting. If you make a point of enjoying small things and saying what you're grateful for, you'll be a positive role model for your child.

You can help your child see his glass as half full rather than half empty. For example, if it's too rainy to go to the playground, point out what a great chance it is to bake cookies. Sharon Cohn of West Orange, New Jersey, tells her kids, "Be happy about what you have instead of being sad about what you don't have." A wonderful dinnertime ritual might be for each family member — including your toddler — to say what the best part of the day was.

Peggy O'Leary of Montara, California, finds that when she is highly stressed, her two children react immediately. "They silence themselves, they cower." One time when O'Leary was feeling low, her son August said "Let's play tag again, like when you were happy." It made her realize how sensitive he was to her moods. She now makes an effort to show her children a more positive attitude.

But you don't have to hide your negative emotions, either. You can show your child you're sad that you broke your favorite vase. And if you add that it means you can now buy a bigger one, you will be teaching your child that sadness is a part of life as well as showing him how to find the silver linings.

However, if you find yourself constantly stressed out or depressed, it's important to seek help. "Parents who tend to be depressed are often not good at being consistent with their discipline and providing structure, or at providing consistent praise and having fun with their children. All of this can contribute to emotional problems," says Masia-Warner.

Teach them to do meaningful things

As your toddler gets older, she can be taught how satisfying it can be to help others. Research shows that people who have meaning in their lives feel less depressed. Cohn says that charity and helping others is a big part of their family life. Even young children can benefit from this lesson.

After learning about Hurricane Katrina, Cohn's 5-year-old daughter, Rebecca, and her classmates collected school supplies and backpacks to donate to the kids who lost their belongings. Even helping out with simple household chores, such as putting her dirty clothes in the hamper, can help your toddler feel that she is making a contribution.

Seven Ways to turn your child's frown upside down

What do you do when your child's in a slump? We asked BabyCenter parents, who shared their favorite tried-and-true tips to chase away the blues and bring a smile to their child's face.

The power of praise
Whenever Chloe gets stuck in a crying jag, I try to find something to praise her for. It can be any little move she makes toward calming herself, like going to get herself a tissue or taking a deep breath. She can't help smiling when I do this. Then the meltdown is over and she's able to move on with her day. — Kate, mother of Chloe, San Francisco

Get your ya-yas out
I have a very physical, "spirited" child. It took me forever to realize that whenever Ben was really grumpy or frustrated, what he needed most was to get outside and play or simply run around the house for a few minutes. Even if I'm busy and trying to get ready for dinner, I stop and announce to Ben that it's time for him to "get his ya-yas out." Now he even uses that term when he's feeling out of sorts. Getting his ya-yas out always cheers him up. — Colleen, mother of Ben, Atlanta, Georgia

Take a good mood car wash
One day when my daughter was in a funk, I got the idea of putting her through a car wash that would wash her bad mood away. I have her push an invisible button to enter the "good mood car wash," and then I twirl her around, tickle her, and make silly sounds. She's falling over laughing by the time we're done. — Sheila, mother of Charlotte, Westport, Connecticut

Stop and listen
When my older son, age 8, is feeling upset, sometimes he just needs me to listen to him. With kids, we're often in a rush to try to find an answer to their problems or a cure to whatever is bothering them. But I think it's often more helpful to stop everything and be in the moment and simply ask him what's wrong. If he's not ready to talk about it right then, I give him individual attention, play with him, and make sure I'm just there for him. — Elisse, mother of Noah and Aidan, Berkeley, California

Foster a social butterfly
My two sons always seem happier when they're surrounded by a group of family and friends. Some of the times I've seen them happiest are at large family gatherings, when they've had a chance to interact with a lot of people they know and love. For that reason, we include our sons as often as possible in social outings. I also like that it teaches my sons about the joy and skills of interacting with many different kinds of people. — Jim, father of Chris and Alec, San Francisco

Make a pizza
I use the same trick as the dad in William Steig's book Pete's a Pizza. When my daughter's grumpy, I say, "Okay, time to make you into a pizza." I pick her up and knead the dough and toss her in the air, which is really just tickling and gentle roughhousing. Then I sprinkle her with make-believe cheese, tomato sauce, and pepperoni — another good chance for tickling! Then I plop her in a pretend oven (the couch) and presto, her bad mood is over! — Fred, father of Hazel, Burlington, Vermont

Let the air out
When we're driving in the car and my daughter is feeling upset, we roll the windows down all the way, even if it's freezing out and snowing, and then we blow all the "bad" air out of our bodies. She always feels better afterward and so do I! — Chandler, mother of Lily, Monterey, Massachusetts

Discovered about how to stop kids' whining.

Why it happens

Kids are pragmatists. If your child is like most toddlers, he's learned that loud, cranky, increasingly higher-pitched demands for cookies while in the checkout line have the potential to produce a treat. It's not that your toddler is trying to be annoying — he's simply doing what brings results. In addition, your child may not know of a better way to ask. "Toddlers often don't know how else to express what they want," says Dr. Tina Gabby, assistant clinical professor of behavior and development at the University of California, San Francisco. "They get frustrated easily and start to whine." It's crucial to help your child learn more effective ways of expressing himself, because the better results he gets from whining, the more he'll see it as an effective way to rule his world. What to do

Establish your definition of whining. Don't assume that your child knows what whining is and how awful it sounds. Identify whining when you hear it and ask your child to use his regular voice instead. If he has trouble hearing the difference, demonstrate it for him (without making fun of him).

Some experts suggest tape-recording your child, both in mid-whine and during normal conversation. When the two of you are in a good mood, play the tape and talk about it. Explain that whining sounds unpleasant and makes people stop listening. Practice "good" and "bad" voices together — hearing you at your whiniest will probably elicit a good laugh.

Acknowledge your child's need for attention. Children often resort to whining when they've tried and failed to get their parent's ear. Heather Itzla, mother of 2-year-old Ian, finds that her son whines only when she's not responding to what he's saying. "I bend down to his level and make eye contact with him," Itzla says. "Once he sees that I'm listening, I can get him to tell me what he wants without whining."

Whenever your child asks for something in a pleasant way, try to respond as immediately as you can. If you can't do what he wants right then, take a second to acknowledge his request, give him a ballpark estimate for when you'll get to it ("Honey, I know you need more juice. Hang on until I put down these groceries and I'll get it"), and follow through. When your child sees that other ways of voicing his needs produce better results, the whines will taper off.

Make sure the wait time is a realistic one: You can expect your toddler to be patient for as many minutes as he is old (three minutes if he's 3 years old). Try not to use the vague "later," unless you think he understands it. And remember to praise him for waiting when he manages to pull it off.

Show him a better way to address the problem. If your child can't get past the whining, try restating the issue for him. For instance, say, "I can see that you're upset. Is it because I can't take you to the park right now?" This will get a conversation going. Whether or not your child's demand is reasonable, it's important to let him know that he won't get what he wants if his way of asking is unacceptable. Say something like, "I can't understand you when you talk like that. Please use your normal voice and I'll be happy to listen to what you're saying." Don't get riled up, or you'll only feed the fire.

Some children respond better to visual cues. Try holding your hands over your ears and wincing in mock pain to signal that you hear whining (cup your ears and smile serenely when it stops).

Avoid triggers

Taking your hungry toddler grocery shopping before dinner and expecting him to understand that cookies will spoil his appetite is like putting a new trampoline in the kitchen and expecting him not to jump on it until the cake is done baking: It's a foolproof recipe for disaster. Feed him before you go, or pack some healthy snacks he can eat on the way or in the store. Likewise, life will be easier for both of you if you can avoid dragging him on errands — or even to the zoo, for that matter — when he's due for a nap.

Respond consistently

Don't put your foot down one minute and give in to whining the next. If your child tests you in that checkout line, work hard to keep your cool. The last thing you want him to figure out is that whining in public is an effective way to get what he wants. "It's like being at a Las Vegas slot machine," says veteran mom Lisa Levi. "Your child pulls the lever and pulls the lever again. One win — even after 12 losses — will show him that a slot machine is a good bet for making money, and that's not what you want him to learn."

Stay connected

You want your child to know that he can have your attention without whining for it. So be sure to carve out regular time to read a story together, do a puzzle, or just have fun — without his having to complain first. Touch him affectionately, give him plenty of hugs, and praise him when he behaves the way you want.

Try a diversion

Toddlers have few communication skills, so just about anything — not enough toys on the floor, too many kids in a room, or too much juice in the cup — can trigger whining. Sometimes your best bet is to be ready to step in with a redirect ("It's a bird! It's a plane! It's Super Mama") before the whining even starts.

Your Baby's Development Between Two and Three Years

It's thrilling to watch your baby grow and develop, as they learn about you and the world around them.

The information below shows some things your baby may be doing at two years of age and up. Keep in mind that every baby develops differently. Your baby may reach any of these milestones significantly before or after this age. Chances are, her development is proceeding perfectly normally.


SPEECH
Between two and three years:

Vocabulary grows rapidly and child starts combining nouns with verbs to form three to four-word sentences
Begins to use pronouns, such as "I" and "me," and other parts of speech
May begin to ask "why" questions
Pays attention to what others say, whether to him or to someone else


MOTOR SKILLS
Your baby's motor skills encompass all sorts of movement, from supporting her head, to crawling, to holding a crayon.

Gross motor skills involve control of the large muscle groups active in kicking, crawling and walking, among other movements. Fine motor skills typically cover movement and manipulation of objects with the hands -- skills such as reaching, grasping, picking things up and pointing.

Between two and three years:

Gross

Constantly on the move
Loves to be chased
Enjoys going down slides, swinging and running around playgrounds
May pedal small tricycle
Learns to walk on tiptoe and may be able to stand on one foot
May count stairs and jump off the final step
Jumping in place still takes great effort and coordination

Fine

Child learns to coordinate movements of his wrist, fingers and palm
May unscrew lids, turn knobs, unwrap paper


AWARENESS
Babies are highly aware of their surroundings from the beginning. Given time, stimulation, love and interaction with the people in their lives, their understanding of the world grows surprisingly quickly.

Between two and three years:

Starts to solve problems in his head
May understand number concepts like ordination (one dog, two dogs) and the process of classification (a cat is an animal)

Right Daycare or Preschool for your Baby

Choosing the Right Daycare or Preschool
Learning to be socially well adapted takes time, practice and ultimately self-motivation. This is why meeting with other similarly aged children, perhaps at some sort of structured preschool group, can help. Your child will gradually learn what is expected of her both from you and from other adults outside of her family.

As your toddler begins to make the move into the wider world, she becomes aware of social skills, such as learning how to listen and cooperate. The primary way she learns is by example. In other words, how she is treated will influence how she treats others. If she is listened to when she speaks, she will learn to listen to others. And if she feels secure in her place, she won't have to fight to be acknowledged. If you nurture your toddler, you teach compassion. You set the example with your own behavior.

For all of these reasons and more, it's important that you choose a daycare or preschool that accommodates your toddler's emotional, physical and mental development in a nurturing and positive way.


Daycare vs. Preschool

How do you choose between a daycare center and a preschool? The main difference between the two is your child's age: daycare centers are for infants and young toddlers (although many daycares have toddlers aged three and a half or beyond), while preschools are for children ages two and a half or so to six years old. Some daycare centers simply transition older toddlers into a preschool setting within the same facility. Aside from age, the two are similar: daycare centers and preschools must meet the same licensing and accreditation requirement, they cost about the same, and, in general, they can be evaluated using many of the same fundamental criteria.

Think about choosing a daycare or preschool the same way you would think about finding a new pediatrician for your child and expect to invest lots of time and energy in making the right decision. Because so much is riding on your choice - after all, you want your child to spend her days in an enjoyable and nurturing environment - you'll need to do your research. That means checking out local parenting magazines, the Internet, and word-of-mouth recommendations. Ask for referrals from other families; most people won't recommend a place unless they're truly pleased with it. If your child attends daycare already, and if you're looking to move up to a preschool, the caregivers may have suggestions for you.

Once you zero in on a few choices based on cost, distance from your home or work, and other basic factors, call each place and narrow your list to a select few by asking questions. Find out whether the center or school is accredited (it should be) and whether it has clear regulations; a good one should have consistent rules. You should also ask about the teacher-to-student ratio (the fewer children a teacher has to be responsible for, the better for your child since she'll receive more attention). A teacher, no matter how good she is, can't really give the children the attention they deserve if she has to care for more than ten. You also might want to ask about staff turnover, since this is a good indicator both of how happy the staff is and how happy your child will be over the long term.


For Daycare Centers
All accredited daycare centers are inspected for licensing purposes, caregivers are supervised, and a director oversees the entire operation. Staff members at good centers are usually trained in early childhood education so they know what to expect from your child developmentally and are able to nurture her growing skills accordingly. If the center you're considering doesn't hire knowledgeable staff, keep looking.

Look for a good mix of activities during the day to teach different skills such as singing, dancing, and storytelling. Many parents like centers that present creative activities and projects in an organized, structured and methodical way. The best daycare centers feature curricula carefully designed to encourage children's cognitive, social and physical development.


For Preschools

If you're considering a preschool, you may wish to ask about the school's philosophy on educating toddlers. The fundamental principle they subscribe to may be traditional or a hybrid; it may follow the teachings and ideas of Jean Piagét, Rudolf Steiner, or Maria Montessori. Whatever its leanings, it's important that the preschool have a plan in mind for how to teach and care for its students, and that you agree with its general philosophy. Whether you choose a daycare or a preschool, be watchful about placing your child in a setting that has a stringent academic program. “Be wary of programs that claim to teach academic skills or ‘speed up' children's intellectual development,” says the American Academy of Pediatrics in Caring for Your Baby and Young Child. “From a developmental standpoint, most preschoolers are not yet ready to begin formal education.”


Visit and Observe

When you have your short list, schedule visits to the daycares or schools that made the cut. You'll need to meet the directors in person and observe the teachers with the children. You also might ask the school for the names of some parents you could speak to - a staff that's proud of their school's success will be happy to connect you with fellow parents. If your child has a special diet, ask whether the staff members are able to accommodate it. Some centers and schools may offer alternatives; some may request that you supply your own.

Next, bring your child along for a visit. See how she responds to the school and the teachers. Do they seem interested in getting to know her? Are the activities ones she'll enjoy? By watching how she reacts, you'll get a better idea of whether the daycare or preschool is a good fit.


Trust Your Instincts

Most importantly, trust your instincts. A daycare or preschool may boast new books and toys, have a gleaming new building, and be affordable to boot, but if it doesn't feel right then it isn't. It's essential that you feel comfortable with the center's or school's director with whom you'll be interacting should issues or questions come up in the future. You should also feel secure and pleased with the teachers, who will be spending many hours with your child, day in and day out. At its best, this will be a long and productive partnership.

Once you've chosen the place, you can help your toddler make the adjustment by allowing her to bring something familiar from home. Some centers have rules on what toddlers may bring, mainly to avoid distress and disruption amongst the other children, so check beforehand. You may want to ask the staff whether your child can bring in a favorite toy, a “lovey” or a photo of you or the family to look at.


What to Pack from Home

You'll probably need to provide a sheet and a blanket (for naptime), as well as diapers (if your toddler wears them), plus wipes and ointment. You may want to provide both a protective ointment that helps prevent diaper rash, such as BALMEX® Daily Protective Clear Ointment, as well as an ointment containing zinc that treats diaper rash, such as BALMEX® Zinc Oxide Diaper Rash Cream.


Winding Down

When your toddler comes home, you may find it helpful to establish a routine that includes suppertime, bath time and general wind-down “family time”. Although it's impossible to prevent your child from picking up other children's colds, you can lesson the effect by washing her hands as soon as she arrives home, before she touches her toys and other items in your home. You can turn this into a fun routine by using products that are geared towards her needs. JOHNSON'S® BUDDIESTM Instant-foam Hand and Face Wash makes washing fun and easy. And it's the only toddler hand wash with the unique NO MORE TEARS® formula. Another fun option is JOHNSON'S® BUDDIESTM Easy-grip Sudzing Bar, with a patented pouch that won't get messy and won't slip from your toddler's little hands.

By choosing a nurturing and attentive daycare center or preschool and by helping your toddler adjust to a new routine, you can help her understand that, no matter what changes confront her, she'll always be protected and loved. And such nurturing care will give her the confidence to tackle life's challenges.

Parent-child bond

Nurturing Care for Life
Parenthood is a journey and we learn as we go, continually enriching our knowledge about our children and (as a happy consequence) about ourselves. And now, as your toddler shows more and more signs of independence, you're probably wondering how best to prepare him or her for all of life's lessons.

How do we raise great kids; how can we guide them as they leave babyhood behind? How can we maintain the wonderful bond we form with our babies? How can we create nurturing care for life?

Famous child psychiatrist Fritz Redl used to say to groups of parents: “I am going to tell you the three most important things you will ever need to know about raising children – example, example, example.” Our actions speak louder than our words. We best succeed in raising kind, decent, thoughtful, curious kids when we ourselves set the example on how to be a kind, decent, thoughtful, curious person. Sometimes it's as simple as saying “please” and “thank you” to others, to demonstrate common courtesy in action. Sometimes it means picking up a book or newspaper instead of turning on the television, to show our children that there are others ways to be entertained.

You also teach by example when you adopt healthy habits for yourself – in diet, skincare and physical fitness. When you eat right, take care of yourself and establish a daily routine of personal hygiene, your child can see first-hand the benefits of doing so and is more likely to adopt the same healthy habits.

Show your child how to communicate well, and you'll give him or her an invaluable tool for life. This can be done in the simplest of ways – for instance, by eating dinner together to regroup and communicate at the end of the day. But communication is not just talk. Good communication can also be a hug, to say “I'm proud of you; you're great.” We often reserve our hugging for babies only, but touch remains an important way to connect with your child throughout his growing years. Give him a hug at bedtime or when he arrives home from school. Curl up on the couch together.

Parent-child bonding continues beyond the baby years – it grows and evolves as your child's skills grow and evolve. By teaching by example, by establishing good communication and by staying in touch with your child's needs, you help deepen the bond you created with your baby. You set the groundwork for health and happiness. You create nurturing care for life.

Helping Your Child Avoid Allergens

Keeping Kids' Allergies Under Control
Pollen, dust, mold, and pet dander are the most common allergens. Here are 9 ways you can help your child avoid allergens—and avoid allergy flare-ups.

Improve the air quality.
Keep windows closed and use air conditioning (fans can stir up dust). Filter the air from air conditioning and heating vents with cheesecloth or HEPA filters. Clean air filters frequently, and air ducts once a year. Use a dehumidifier (especially in basements) to keep humidity below 50% and prevent mold growth. Don't allow tobacco smoke in the house.

Keep it clean.
Vacuum frequently. Wash bed linens and towels in hot water (at least 130° F), put laundry in the dryer right away so it doesn't grow any mold - and don't hang laundry outside to dry where it can collect pollen.

Allergy-free decorating.
Avoid venetian blinds and curtains that can't be washed, storing firewood indoors, carpeting, throw rugs, and indoor plants.

Pets.
Keep pets outside as much as possible—and especially keep them out of the bedroom. Brush pets outside to remove loose hair, dander, and other allergens. Consider using an air filtration system.

Places your child should avoid.
Allergen-heavy areas like basements, crawl spaces, garages, barns, and compost heaps. Freshly cut grass.

Choose your child's outings wisely.
Check weather forecasts and pollen counts. When possible, keep kids indoors on hot, dry, windy days when pollen counts are highest.

Time your child's outings wisely.
Try to keep kids indoors between 5a.m. and 10a.m., when pollen counts are highest.

Leave the allergens outside.
Have your child shower and change clothes right away after being outdoors for extended periods. This will remove pollen and prevent it from spreading around the house.

Keep allergy medicine handy.
Always keep a few doses of your child's allergy medicine with you—especially when traveling. That way, even if your child's allergies flare up, you can keep him comfortable.

Parenting Tips

Bringing up a child is a very rewarding experience. But it is a challenging job, one that has tremendous responsibilities. It is a complex task and a lot of patience and understanding is required to give a good upbringing to the child.

A child's behavior and needs change in different stages of his life. A toddler's needs are different from a pre-teen's and a teenager has his own set of unique needs. A parent needs to understand the wants and needs of his young one. The role of a parent is of utmost importance as the child looks up to his parents. Therefore it is essential for parents to monitor the behavior of the child, understand his unique needs and come up with solutions to the problems he faces.

In this section, we will focus on the common issues facing pre-schoolers i.e. children from the age group of 2-5 years. We will also dwell on the steps a parent needs to take for a child's well being. A healthy parent-child relationship will ultimately reflect on the child making him a well-rounded individual.


Here are a few common behavioral problems that a child faces:

Shyness
Hyperactivity
Eating Problems
Temper Tantrums
Phobias or Fears

Shyness

Does your child tuck her head into your shoulder when a relative or a friend gets too close or does she hold back from joining group activities? Shyness is extremely common among 2-3 year olds. It is believed that a child's behavior patterns are a result of both genetic and environmental influences. Some children feel comfortable around peers but not around adults and sometimes it is vice-versa. But with a little bit of understanding, your child can come out of her shell. This is what you can do:

Initially, stick with activities that involve smaller groups and quiet or familiar
environments. At a later stage, expose the child to unfamiliar settings and people.
Any time your toddler reaches out to make a friend or join in an activity, praise her efforts no matter how tentative.
Prevent labelling of the children as "shy". Otherwise she will come to believe it. Teach the children to identify and verbally express their emotions.


Hyperactivity

While some children sit quietly, some are exactly the opposite - they are hyperactive. They want to do something all the time - like running around or talking incessantly.
Their energy is boundless so they are hyperactive.

Reason:
Most of the time, children are hyperactive because they are bored.

Solution:
It is essential to get the child involved in some activity that is interesting and captures his attention. It should be something which is fun and also a learning experience.
He can also be given small jobs around the house through which he can help his dad and mom.


Eating Problems

The dining table can see several wars between an unwilling eater (your child) and an aggressive feeder (you)! The problem can be easily dealt with if you accept the fact that the child will eat when she is hungry. Here are a few tips to deal with a child's eating problems:

Reduce the intake of the main meals if your child has snacked in between.
Don't try to make her hungry and force her to eat just to fit it into your routine! Try
and be a little flexible about the time.
Try to eat with the child - "I will eat one spoon and you will eat one too."
Arrange the food in the shape of a car or castle and spin a story around it to get the
child to eat. Avoid scary stories.


Temper Tantrums

Temper tantrums are common in young children and are a part of the growing up process.

Reasons:
The reasons could range from tiredness to anxiety or hunger. It could also be due to some changes at home or on account of sibling rivalry. Sometimes a child cannot express his feelings properly resulting in anger at himself or at you for not understanding. There are times when he throws temper tantrums due to some physical ailment. Of course, sometimes when you deny him something that he wants, he might throw a tantrum.
It is essential to find out the cause and then address the problem.

Solution:
Set a good example for your child. Avoid arguing or yelling in front of the child.
Try to remain calm. If you shout or become angry, it is likely to make things worse.
The more attention you give this behavior, the more likely it is to happen again.
As tempting as it can be, do not reward your child for stopping a tantrum.
Rewards may teach your child that a temper tantrum will help her get her way.
Distract your child from activities likely to lead to a tantrum. Suggest different
activities. If you are indoors, try taking your child outside to distract his attention.
Make sure your child is well rested, especially before a busy day or stressful activity.


Phobias or Fears

Most children as well as some adults face a variety of fears or phobias. Sometimes these fears do not cause a major problem in day-to-day life but sometimes they are cause for concern as it disrupts the rhythm of life. Some of the common phobias faced by children are:

Fear of the dark:
This fear is common in children between the ages of two and six. It is not actually the darkness that they fear; a child is frightened of the things he supposes are prowling around in the dark. When the child gets afraid at night, turn on the lights and search together for the things he is afraid of to assure him that it is not there. Sometimes the shadows that he sees at night also instil fear in the child. Show the child how these shadows are cast - in fact you can make animal shadows together with your hands -
this will convince him of their harmlessness. This should help them cope successfully
with the fear.

Fear of water:
Some children hesitate to enter water. Do not throw the child in the water in order for him to get over his fear and do not shame him into doing it. It is essential to avoid putting any pressure on the child. Let him play on the beach or the bank till he gets the confidence. What could strengthen his resolve further would be to see you enjoying in the water. Of course it is essential to keep a watch on your child in the water.

Fear of doctor or medicines:
Very often children are frightened of taking injections and medicines. As a rule, if very little is said about the whole thing, the child may accept the medication as a matter of course. But if he is still hesitant about that injection, tell him that the injection will make him healthy once again and that after he is fit you can do many fun things together.
As for medicines, you can crush the pills and put it in a syrup as per the advice of the doctor. You can also hide the small pills in bread, disguising the taste with some strong and accepted flavour like honey.