How work-at-home parents can handle a clingy toddler

Nanette Shorten, child psychologist

Working from home sounds great on paper, but if you're the parent of a clingy toddler it can be extremely challenging. Though you're not leaving your home to go off to work, you're not really available to your child during office hours, either, even if your office is just 10 steps from her room. She simply doesn't understand why you won't spend time with her — and, to be fair, this is a hard concept for a toddler to grasp. Still, there are a number of things you can do to make this situation work well.

To start, create a routine for your child. Instead of working in your pajamas, for example, you may want to don "work clothes" that will help signal to your child that your workday is beginning. Your outfit certainly doesn't have to be fancy, such as a suit or a dress. A ratty sweatshirt will do as long as you make sure to wear it only when you're working so she can associate it with just that. Once you're dressed, come out and say to your child, "Mommy's going to work now. When I come out of my office at lunch, let's play a game." Then — and this is the hard part — walk into your office, close the door, and don't come out. Most likely your child will begin to cry, whine, or even bang at the door. Though you may be inclined to try soothing her with words, talking through the door will only fuel the fire. Ideally, her nanny or babysitter would, at this point, lead her gently away from the door and distract her with a funny song or an activity. The first few times you go through this transition your daughter will probably howl for quite some time, but if she learns that crying won't change the schedule, she'll soon adjust to it.

To make matters easier, try to stay organized. Gather the things you'll need in your office the night before to minimize your comings and goings. The less she runs into you, the better it'll be for her. If you can, wait until her caregiver takes her to the park or to a playdate before you leave the office to grab another cup of coffee or find that book you misplaced. Later, when she develops a better understanding of your work schedule, you'll be able to go in and out of your home office more freely.

It may also help to "practice" separation on the weekends, since she may find it easier to say goodbye when you're leaving her with your partner or a beloved family member or friend. Start with shorter stretches of time — just enough to do a couple of errands — and work your way up from there. Tell your toddler when you plan to return and then keep your word; the more securely she grasps the idea that you do, in fact, come back, the more comfortable she'll become with your absences.